AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SNAP

hey peoples! officially ended this crazy-long hiatus. i just had to take a breather 'cos 2008 totally crapped all over me and 2009 got its licks in, too. it was pretty rough but, i feel like i'm a stronger and more mature person because of it. it's even helped me develop my artistic eye to the point that i can look at my art fairly objectively and with purpose instead of just going through the motions like a zombie like usual. though, this new art "spidey-sense" also means that my entire gallery disgusts me now and i just want to do away with the whole thing! xD but, i'm too lazy for all that. perhaps once i submit more art, the older, dusty back end of my gallery will go into storage. i'd rather look back on my art and be horrified than think "aw man... i suck even worse NOW".

in fact, it's kinda surreal to look at my old art. it's cute and happy and joyous, but it seems so fake to me. it doesn't seem at all genuine. not that happiness isn’t genuine, i mean that the "joy" presented in my old stuff seems so flat. like an animator's reference sheet of cliched symbols for "happy! " "sad " "angry! >:[" that aren't motivated by anything in particular. maybe i'm biased (well duh) since certain pieces only remind me of how uninspired i felt while making them. some hit the mark and manage to connect with people, but most of the time i felt totally disconnected from my art. i was so focused on technique and the "proper" way to do things that i never gave much thought in how the image FEELS. beyond plastering a happy face on it and calling it the night.

perhaps i'm being too hard on myself, though i'm glad to be going through this now and not 5, 10, 20 years from now. i feel like i've been asleep most of my life and am just starting to wake up. i don't quite know what to do with what i'm seeing and feeling yet, but i'm approaching it much differently than before.

i originally typed out a long entry on how sucky my year was, but there doesn't need to be a big blob of blah on my profile. i'll just say this: it was full of hospital runs (even one for me, for once!), cancers, heartbreak, and tragic losses. seriously, i don't even know how my family and i have our heads on straight, but that's what family is for, i guess. holding each other together.

welp! enough of that. it's time to get back into the groove of things and get focused again. currently, i'm wrapping up work on a kid's book that a really sweet author is self-publishing. it's turning out REALLY cute. like, AUGH TOOTHACHE cute. i've had to balance all this cute happiness with lots of zombie flicks to get my limb-ripping, blood-guzzling gore in. keeps things in check. then, i'll be revamping my website with a new n' improved layout and portfolio; again, the old stuff just... needs to be shoved underneath a rug.

thank you, whoever's still here after this extraordinarily long intermission. seriously! i read and appreciate every comment, fav, and watch and will share that love with those whom i've neglected. you guys are the bees kneesy fo' sheezy.